The other day on Facebook Dan Bradbury was being criticised for being too concerned with money, and it was suggested that there were better indicators of success. No one who has observed Dan with his wife and daughter could think for one moment that his primary criteria for success is money. It was during one of Dan’s conferences, largely thanks to Richard Wilkins, that I realised that the only thing that prevented me from realising my success was that I was trapped into the belief that success is measured by money and status.

According to the National Autistic Society only 15% of adults with autism in the UK are in full-time paid employment. I have been in employment for most of the last forty years, I may not be at the top of any profession, I may not be a great entrepreneur, I may not be a “go to” authority for the media when my field comes up, but I am working and being paid for it. I may technically be disabled, but I have never needed to claim any disability benefit, and only claimed unemployment for a short period in the 70s. I have done this without any formal help, although I couldn’t have done it without considerable support and tolerance, particularly from my wife and family. It may be true that with support my career path may have been different, but I have not complaints, I did it MY way.

I have been married for over thirty years to the same person. I haven’t been able to find statistics on the incidence and longevity of marriage or long-term relationship for people with autism, but my understanding is that it is an area in which a very small minority are successful in a society where, increasingly, long marriages are a thing of the past. A Guardian article in 2010 showed that not only are divorce rates climbing, but that the numbers of couples getting married is falling. By any relationship yardstick, autistic or otherwise, I consider my wife and I a success. People with Asperger’s are known to have particular problems with relationships because we lack social skills, particularly in communication, as a consequence we tend not to make friends, I have a friendship that dates back to 1972, my early days at university. I also have several people with whom I socialize and many more online friends. I may not visit people in their homes, but I do not like to be visited and I believe a level of reciprocity is involved in these things so I prefer to meet in neutral venues. I am happy with this level of interaction, and therefore count it as a success.

Educationally I have to accept that my qualifications are somewhat lower than my IQ would suggest they should be. However I made it to university without any special assistance, unfortunately I did not have the self-discipline to complete my university degree although I somehow managed to get through three very boozy years. It may be true that, with the right support, I could have made it through university with a degree, but no one knew I was autistic back then, and no one forced me to focus on alcohol and politics instead of my studies. Had I had the appropriate support I may well have been a graduate and gone through with my plan to become a Franciscan friar, but had I done so I would not now have two granddaughters without whom, I strongly suspect, the world would be a duller place! Of course, I think it’s fair to say, had I carried through my plans I would have been perfectly happy, and I admit to a pang of jealousy when my friend and confessor Father Raymond Lloyd went off to be a Franciscan hermit – Brother Ramon SSF.

Which brings me full circle. I am not a celibate hermit who spends his life in prayer. I am a grandfather, a husband and a worker, none of which prevent me spending my life in prayer, but I must admit my theology with its strictly logical foundation might horrify most believers. My life works, and a big part of my success is because I never knew I was autistic so I just had to get on with my life. My autism brought me no outside help nor did it allow me any excuse for inaction – which my natural laziness would have exploited – or for failure. My autism made me who I am, a success. My diagnosis gave me an interest that impelled me to write and make some amazing new friends. With an earlier diagnosis I may today have a success more in line with what society considers success, but I’m damn sure I wouldn’t have had half as much fun or interacted with such amazing people!

Over the last couple of days I have had cause to give encouragement to a couple of online friends, one of whom in the past – like myself – used chemicals to cope, and another who – as I did when much younger – has issues with their appearance. I don’t know if  Aspergers  makes us more prone to feeling bad about ourselves, but I suspect our inability to function normally in society probably damages our ability to feel good about ourselves.  

When I got my diagnosis I was told that there were social groups for people with Aspergers, to which my wife responded, “That's Facebook isn't it?” it was meant as a joke, but it is not too far from the truth. Last year I was sliding into one of my periodic depressions and on a couple of occasions I was greatly supported by the comments of friends online. When I was considering stopping writing my blog because I saw no point in it, I was immediately contacted by several people who said that my blog helped people, I needed that verification. Aspies tend neither to ask for help nor for feedback which means not only do we not make corrections when we need, but neither do we receive the encouragement we need.

Perhaps if we did were not made to feel so at odds with society we may feel better about ourselves, but we are different from the average and we are made to feel bad about it. It is time to stop feeling guilty about not being average and to accentuate the positive. I know many parents of “severely” autistic children hate autism, and that is perfectly understandable, yet again and again these same parents share amazingly positive stories about their children. Those of us who are “high functioning” are frequently aware that our condition brings with it many positives as well as negatives. It is time that, instead of just focusing on the aspects of autism from which we would be happy to be free, we should play up the good. I think it's time we also made a point of not only recognising the benefits we receive from our conditions, but to look for the positives in others and congratulate them. I don't think we should play down the difficulties that some people and their families experience, but we should celebrate whatever is good. We may not be the same as average people but we are not worse, neither are we to be pitied.

Each of us has positive characteristics to celebrate, some of us are more logical, totally honest, systematic, analytical, logical, some of us are very demonstrative of emotion and some of us show very little, we may be musical, artistic, some may have great memories Society may not yet be ready to adapt to us, but we are still here, we are Autism and we are strong.

I had hoped to produce a new post, but internet problems are compelling me to post from a phone that insists on spelling “autistic” “autism” so today I’m looking again at disability.

I know that technically Asperger’s syndrome is classed as a disability but generally it occurs more as a major inconvenience or in Terry Pratchett’s terminology a “buggeration”. There are many people around with physical and mental conditions that do occur for me as serious disabilities. As a rule the disabilities of others tend not to impinge much upon my consciousness but this week disability is very much in my thoughts.

A little over a week ago I managed to tear the long muscles in my back, fortunately it is an injury from which I will recover but it makes me aware – if only temporarily – of some of the problems people with physical disabilities face. Painkillers help but I am having to make many adjustments just to get through a day. Whereas I would normally expect my legs to support me I am having to use my arms as well, when performing tasks like cleaning my teeth I have to hold on to the basin with my free arm. Gardening as I am accustomed to doing it is out of the question at the moment and lifting anything requires caution and an acceptance of a reduced load bearing capacity. I am grateful that my back problem is only temporary and that I don’t face a life of physical impairment.

So why does Asperger’s – a lifelong condition – not occur for me as a disability? I think it’s because I have nothing with which to compare it. The adaptations I make to accommodate Aspergers are now merely my way of being, by any definition I am highly functioning – perhaps more so than many “normal” people. I actually have a good life, I accept that I may function differently but who’s to say that there’s anything wrong with being different? Understanding how I work I can avoid sensory overload, I can use electronic media for necessary social interaction and I can organise my routines to support me. If society will support me in living the life that works for me then there is no reason for me to feel I have a disability and if I should ever feel disabled it is is not a reflection on me but on society.

Society has a duty to people with disabilities. Many disabilities can be compensated for by social provision. Struggling around with my back I have become aware how poorly we accommodate people with disabilities. Even where a building has disabled access using it can be a rigmarole and often requires prior notification, the same is true of travel. We cannot claim to not be discriminating against people with disabilities until they have the same facility to board a train or plane or visit a restaurant or theatre on a sudden whim, as the rest of us. It is true that not all cinemas can provide for people with Sensory Processing Disorder at every screen at every showing, but there should be sufficient provision to allow people with SPDs a degree of flexibility in their cinema visits. Provision of access to entertainment to people with disabilities should not cost them extra nor open them to embarrassment. For some disabled people there will always be a need to be accompanied by a carer this should not be allowed to prevent them from enjoying social access and some accommodation of additional cost should be made perhaps by allowing a reduced price “carers ticket” to be purchased along with that of the disabled person. A society wherein a person is excluded from participation because of disability is – I believe – a disabled society.