I never thought I'd be envious of someone with classic autism but now I have read "The Game of My Life" by Jason "J-Mac" McElwain. I am impressed by his ability to be part of a team and to build life-long friendships through sport. I suspect that he probably sees friendship differently from his friends but their contributions to the book show that he does have friends, real friends and he knows they are friends.
I don't understand friendship and I certainly don't understand teams. I had two high spots in Rugby. One, receiving the ball and breaking for the posts only to have the moment ruined by the teacher stopping play because people were not making a good enough effort to tackle me. The second playing in Full Back position falling on the ball right at the feet of the opposing pack and getting up unhurt. I do enjoy watching Rugby, but I was never a great player. My other sports were gymnastics and cross-country running. In gymnastics I could do my own thing without interaction with others. Cross-country was best because we ran in the hills, so I ran surrounded by beauty in a world of my own, again a sport for individuals even when nominally a member of a team. Team sports require one to interact with and pay attention to other people, they require strategy and planning all of these are good, at none of these am I good. Team sports tend to require spontaneous action arising from training. My processing speed does not allow this by the time I have thought through what I am supposed to do it's too late – like those witty responses that occur to one long after the conversation has ended. I have seen me catch a ball and be tackled before it occurred to me to run. I have often been on the receiving end of comments like, "didn't you see me calling for the ball?" – how do you see a call? – "or why didn't you pass, I was unmarked!" the problem is that by the time the circumstances had registered with me they had changed. I was the kid who got picked last before the fat kid and sometimes not even then. Not being asked to play was slightly less painful than being asked as it didn't bring later recriminations. I would have loved to play rugby well, my hero was the great Tom Kiernan (I bet that's something else my brother didn't know) but let's face it I was weedy and inept and my coordination leaves much to be desired. Now I'm in my 50s I will never play rugby for Ireland and I can live with that. I am sorry I never could play half decently as a boy it would have been good. I may never be a rugby player but as long as Ireland continues to play rugby I shall continue to enjoy it.
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