Springingtiger's Autisable

Mature Autism: The Secret of My Success

Wed, 16 May 2012 02:23:56 GMT

The other day on Facebook Dan Bradbury was being criticised for being too concerned with money, and it was suggested that there were better indicators of success. No one who has observed Dan with his wife and daughter could think for one moment that his primary criteria for success is money. It was during one of Dan’s conferences, largely thanks to Richard Wilkins, that I realised that the only thing that prevented me from realising my success was that I was trapped into the belief that success is measured by money and status.

According to the National Autistic Society only 15% of adults with autism in the UK are in full-time paid employment. I have been in employment for most of the last forty years, I may not be at the top of any profession, I may not be a great entrepreneur, I may not be a “go to” authority for the media when my field comes up, but I am working and being paid for it. I may technically be disabled, but I have never needed to claim any disability benefit, and only claimed unemployment for a short period in the 70s. I have done this without any formal help, although I couldn’t have done it without considerable support and tolerance, particularly from my wife and family. It may be true that with support my career path may have been different, but I have not complaints, I did it MY way.

I have been married for over thirty years to the same person. I haven’t been able to find statistics on the incidence and longevity of marriage or long-term relationship for people with autism, but my understanding is that it is an area in which a very small minority are successful in a society where, increasingly, long marriages are a thing of the past. A Guardian article in 2010 showed that not only are divorce rates climbing, but that the numbers of couples getting married is falling. By any relationship yardstick, autistic or otherwise, I consider my wife and I a success. People with Asperger’s are known to have particular problems with relationships because we lack social skills, particularly in communication, as a consequence we tend not to make friends, I have a friendship that dates back to 1972, my early days at university. I also have several people with whom I socialize and many more online friends. I may not visit people in their homes, but I do not like to be visited and I believe a level of reciprocity is involved in these things so I prefer to meet in neutral venues. I am happy with this level of interaction, and therefore count it as a success.

Educationally I have to accept that my qualifications are somewhat lower than my IQ would suggest they should be. However I made it to university without any special assistance, unfortunately I did not have the self-discipline to complete my university degree although I somehow managed to get through three very boozy years. It may be true that, with the right support, I could have made it through university with a degree, but no one knew I was autistic back then, and no one forced me to focus on alcohol and politics instead of my studies. Had I had the appropriate support I may well have been a graduate and gone through with my plan to become a Franciscan friar, but had I done so I would not now have two granddaughters without whom, I strongly suspect, the world would be a duller place! Of course, I think it’s fair to say, had I carried through my plans I would have been perfectly happy, and I admit to a pang of jealousy when my friend and confessor Father Raymond Lloyd went off to be a Franciscan hermit – Brother Ramon SSF.

Which brings me full circle. I am not a celibate hermit who spends his life in prayer. I am a grandfather, a husband and a worker, none of which prevent me spending my life in prayer, but I must admit my theology with its strictly logical foundation might horrify most believers. My life works, and a big part of my success is because I never knew I was autistic so I just had to get on with my life. My autism brought me no outside help nor did it allow me any excuse for inaction – which my natural laziness would have exploited – or for failure. My autism made me who I am, a success. My diagnosis gave me an interest that impelled me to write and make some amazing new friends. With an earlier diagnosis I may today have a success more in line with what society considers success, but I’m damn sure I wouldn’t have had half as much fun or interacted with such amazing people!

Autism Awareness: Katie Price & Harvey

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 04:53:42 GMT

Last year I found myself writing in support of Katie Price after Frankie Boyle had sunk to a new low in his attempts to rebuild his reputation for earthy humour. I wouldn’t wish autism on any family, it happens and the concerns of parents are as relevent and challenging whether or not they are a celebrity. (I must admit my attitude to Ms Price has mellowed over the year, still don't like her, but I have more respect than once I did).

To accuse me of having nothing but contempt for Katie Price would be to exaggerate the respect I have for her. However I would have to agree that her anger towards Frankie Boyle is completely justified. Frankie Boyle used to be funny, but he seems to be increasingly substituting insults for humour. He has always been prone to giving and receiving insults and many of them were funny, but his attack on Katie Price’s son is neither funny nor appropriate.

Katie Price quotes two jokes in her Daily Mail article, the first is an old one often used for any parents whether their children are disabled or not, the second was obscene and offensive and I refuse to quote it. I could not watch Price’s documentary which is a relief as I have a passionate loathing for her obsessive publicity seeking, I hope it focused on the rights of the disabled to be treated with respect rather than on her. Whatever one thinks of Katie Price it does not justify abusing Harvey and – by extension – all severely autistic children. Harvey is not responsible for the behaviour of his mother and should not used as a means to attack her.

Autism is not a fit subject for humour. Parents of autistic children who choose – as Price has – to face up to their responsibilities and care for their kids themselves have a horrendously challenging task. If you don’t believe me there are plenty who share their experiences like Jeff Stimpson and , Lisa Jo Rudy , YA Autism Community , Amalia Starr , and these are but a few of many, the Autism Blogs Directory is a good source of information too, a Google search for autism will produce plenty of information.

One of the reasons Boyle’s second joke is so reprehensible is that it touches on a very real concern of parents of autistic kids. What happens at puberty when a child develops the body of an adult without the mental facility to understand what is happening? Some autistic people do not have a grasp of what constitutes appropriate behaviour and this combined with the development of all the sexual urges of a teenager coupled with none of the understanding threaten to occasion some very embarrassing moments. Puberty adds yet another complication to the many problems faced by a family with an autistic child. People may think Price has overreacted to a joke, if they take the trouble to read the experiences of parents of autistic children and of people with autism they will realise autism is no joke!

Autism Awareness: Autism Affirmation Month

Sat, 14 Apr 2012 04:09:13 GMT

Over the last couple of days I have had cause to give encouragement to a couple of online friends, one of whom in the past – like myself – used chemicals to cope, and another who – as I did when much younger – has issues with their appearance. I don’t know if Aspergers makes us more prone to feeling bad about ourselves, but I suspect our inability to function normally in society probably damages our ability to feel good about ourselves.

When I got my diagnosis I was told that there were social groups for people with Aspergers, to which my wife responded, “That's Facebook isn't it?” it was meant as a joke, but it is not too far from the truth. Last year I was sliding into one of my periodic depressions and on a couple of occasions I was greatly supported by the comments of friends online. When I was considering stopping writing my blog because I saw no point in it, I was immediately contacted by several people who said that my blog helped people, I needed that verification. Aspies tend neither to ask for help nor for feedback which means not only do we not make corrections when we need, but neither do we receive the encouragement we need.

Perhaps if we did were not made to feel so at odds with society we may feel better about ourselves, but we are different from the average and we are made to feel bad about it. It is time to stop feeling guilty about not being average and to accentuate the positive. I know many parents of “severely” autistic children hate autism, and that is perfectly understandable, yet again and again these same parents share amazingly positive stories about their children. Those of us who are “high functioning” are frequently aware that our condition brings with it many positives as well as negatives. It is time that, instead of just focusing on the aspects of autism from which we would be happy to be free, we should play up the good. I think it's time we also made a point of not only recognising the benefits we receive from our conditions, but to look for the positives in others and congratulate them. I don't think we should play down the difficulties that some people and their families experience, but we should celebrate whatever is good. We may not be the same as average people but we are not worse, neither are we to be pitied.

Each of us has positive characteristics to celebrate, some of us are more logical, totally honest, systematic, analytical, logical, some of us are very demonstrative of emotion and some of us show very little, we may be musical, artistic, some may have great memories Society may not yet be ready to adapt to us, but we are still here, we are Autism and we are strong.

Autism Awareness: Paddle Moments

Sun, 08 Apr 2012 23:58:27 GMT

Sometime ago I wrote about those awkward moments when one speaks without filtering one's content this is that post.

In my house we have something called “Paddle Moments”, those moments when I answer a question or venture an honest opinion and the reaction shows me that perhaps I might have phrased things a little more subtly. Many years ago my wife asked for an opinion on her feet and I replied, “They look like paddles”. I had not intended any rudeness, I tend not to realise when to refrain from too openly expressing myself. Fortunately Neelam has a sense of humour - she must, we’re still together!

I think people with Asperger’s are prone to paddle moments because we lack some of the filters that ordinary people have. We say what occurs for us without – as a rule – calculating its effect on those listening to us, it certainly does not occur to me to provide a socially acceptable alternative to the truth. Some people call us inconsiderate, but surely it honours a person more to be truthful to them than to lie? Sometimes I don’t realise I have spoken my thoughts out loud until I see the reactions round about me, which is why I love “Friends”’ Mathew Perry’s, “Did I say that out loud?” moments.

The other problem of paddle moments is the difficulty in apologising and retracting. We can apologise for saying something, but it is impossible to say we didn’t mean it because we did and everyone knows we did. We can apologise for hurting someone, we probably didn’t mean to, but we can’t take back what we said.

The only way to avoid paddle moments is to have all our conversations on line so that we have time to edit our remarks, but unfortunately we have to sometimes interact with others face to face and that will always be an opportunity for misunderstanding and for paddle moments.

Some Thoughts on Disability

Sat, 07 Apr 2012 02:42:35 GMT

I had hoped to produce a new post, but internet problems are compelling me to post from a phone that insists on spelling “autistic” “autism” so today I’m looking again at disability.

I know that technically Asperger’s syndrome is classed as a disability but generally it occurs more as a major inconvenience or in Terry Pratchett’s terminology a “buggeration”. There are many people around with physical and mental conditions that do occur for me as serious disabilities. As a rule the disabilities of others tend not to impinge much upon my consciousness but this week disability is very much in my thoughts.

A little over a week ago I managed to tear the long muscles in my back, fortunately it is an injury from which I will recover but it makes me aware – if only temporarily – of some of the problems people with physical disabilities face. Painkillers help but I am having to make many adjustments just to get through a day. Whereas I would normally expect my legs to support me I am having to use my arms as well, when performing tasks like cleaning my teeth I have to hold on to the basin with my free arm. Gardening as I am accustomed to doing it is out of the question at the moment and lifting anything requires caution and an acceptance of a reduced load bearing capacity. I am grateful that my back problem is only temporary and that I don’t face a life of physical impairment.

So why does Asperger’s – a lifelong condition – not occur for me as a disability? I think it’s because I have nothing with which to compare it. The adaptations I make to accommodate Aspergers are now merely my way of being, by any definition I am highly functioning – perhaps more so than many “normal” people. I actually have a good life, I accept that I may function differently but who’s to say that there’s anything wrong with being different? Understanding how I work I can avoid sensory overload, I can use electronic media for necessary social interaction and I can organise my routines to support me. If society will support me in living the life that works for me then there is no reason for me to feel I have a disability and if I should ever feel disabled it is is not a reflection on me but on society.

Society has a duty to people with disabilities. Many disabilities can be compensated for by social provision. Struggling around with my back I have become aware how poorly we accommodate people with disabilities. Even where a building has disabled access using it can be a rigmarole and often requires prior notification, the same is true of travel. We cannot claim to not be discriminating against people with disabilities until they have the same facility to board a train or plane or visit a restaurant or theatre on a sudden whim, as the rest of us. It is true that not all cinemas can provide for people with Sensory Processing Disorder at every screen at every showing, but there should be sufficient provision to allow people with SPDs a degree of flexibility in their cinema visits. Provision of access to entertainment to people with disabilities should not cost them extra nor open them to embarrassment. For some disabled people there will always be a need to be accompanied by a carer this should not be allowed to prevent them from enjoying social access and some accommodation of additional cost should be made perhaps by allowing a reduced price “carers ticket” to be purchased along with that of the disabled person. A society wherein a person is excluded from participation because of disability is – I believe – a disabled society.

Autism Awareness: National Autistic Society

Thu, 05 Apr 2012 10:41:34 GMT

A number of “high functioning” (haha) autistics get annoyed with parents of autistic children who, they feel, discount and exclude their experience. I am a member of the NAS because I feel that my voice carries as much weigh as anyone else’s and that I and people like me are respected for who we are.

In 1962, nine years after I was born and nearly twenty years before autism was recognised by the DSM, a group of parents of autistic children met together to establish an organisation that would focus on meeting the needs of autistic children. The name of the organisation has changed from The Society for Psychotic Children through The Society for Autistic Children until it matured into the National Autistic Society.

Some of those original parents are still active, some, like Helen Green Allison, are no longer with us. Their children have grown up, some of them live in adult centres set up by the NAS. The NAS has over the years established several schools and residential centres to meet the needs of people with autism and their families.

I have chosen to post this in April rather than May because a huge part of the work of the NAS has been to increase awareness of Autism. They have been consistently at the forefront of campaigns, not only for the rights of autistics, but also for all people with disabilities, and for fifty years they have been raising public consciousness of Autism. When I was referred for diagnosis the first information I had was leaflets from the NAS, simple, straight forward information, just when I needed it, just when everything I knew about myself had been turned upside down. The leaflets not only helped calm my initial confusion but led me to their website http://www.autism.org.uk/ where I discovered a goldmine of resources.

Before my diagnosis I had no real knowledge of Autism Spectrum Disorders, but the NAS opened my eyes. As well as six schools, they have an education support service to help parents of autistic children access the information and support their children need to use the school system and the schools to provide autistic children with an education. They provide training for families with autistic members as well as support and respite services. Were it not for the NAS student support services many autistic students would be denied a higher education. The NAS provides social support for autistic children and young adults. They provide residential care for autistic adults, supported living services for adults who could not otherwise live in their own homes, and employment support services to enable autistic people to take their place in the workforce.

The National Autistic Society runs conferences and professional seminars on various aspects of autism, and provides speakers on autism and an information service to the news media. They provide information and advice to legislators and campaign on issues that effect autistic people.

I have Aspergers, I have a wife and a job, I am very lucky. I may have little need to call on the National Autistic Society, but it is good to know they are there if I do. Speaking as an autistic person, and I think many autistic people who can’t speak for themselves would agree, our world is a better place because of the NAS, and I for one, am grateful.

Thank you National Autistic Society, and Happy Birthday!

Autism Awareness: My Autism Twitter List.

Sun, 01 Apr 2012 11:39:38 GMT

So here we go again, another Autism Awareness Month Whoopee (yes that is sarcasm, I think, but it might just be despair, I don’t really know) If I recycle material I may even get a blog out every day despite my unexpectadly busy schedule! Today I am merely sharing my autism Twitter list, it is possible that some of these people are no longer posting, and I do not have time to turn them into hyperlinks. Search for them on Twitter! I’ve bolded a few to whom I personally pay special attention or for whom I have a special regard, although perhaps I shouldn’t have as I must have overlooked a few.

@talkaboutautism @concert4autism @autismbuttons @JaysChallenge @ParentingSPD @AutismNow @gummylump @donna_williams @AutismTips @DebDockery @KristenMcNally @Trishinspace @PeterBrownPsy @KidSpecialNeed @Laanetweets @TheCoffeeKlatch @AutismisnotBoss @living_autism @joinsocialmedia @DiamondLanguage @SpiritOfAutism
@LornadEnt @TannersDad @AutismMomExpert @centerforautism
(home schooling @homeschoolcurr @ZanePublishing @HSAdvantage @Homeschool_Mom) @Autisable @brightmindLABS @AUTISMDR @NMTAutism @kevleitch @epilepsymoms @Aspieadvocate @UniteAutism @utalkautism @autismsymptoms @FroggyPrinceMom @FunandFunction @jeffslife @TASHTweet @AutismSheri @AutismAtHome @GemmLearning @emotionalgrowth @deenelee
@asppymom @AweInAutism @asteens @asdhelp @billgoodyear @LearnBright @cdwatts @PositiveAutism @alisterx @tamanthak @aspergerontario @ttfoundation @EllasGarden @Autism_Today @AZAutismDad @SkillSprout @NatAutisticSoc @NASEventsteam @AutismOptimism @autismsigns @OKSpecialNeeds @k_5remediation @lizditz @IntListSys @s_daVanport @oaacare @shannonrosa @autismfather @asparenting @angmoore8426 @autismthings @autistichildren @outoutout @jennyalice @mamabegood @anne_barbano @Giftedmum @ParentHelp911 @oaaplay @DevelopDiscover @JenTroester @AutismRadioUK @ChildAnxiety @LynneSoraya @aspireprez @AutismDiaries @AutismWomen @autismfamily @kwombles @gwenbw @RobertMoranLA @usofautism @SNAPPIN_MIN @Jhotvedt2 @rntammyp @RobStriekwold @parentingautism @MsMaggieMarie @samandboo @thinkingautism @moonandbackbead @AutismList @JHolverstott @AutismAlan @newportgroup @AmandaBroadfoot @ProgramBuilders @theautismnews @BhudLion @LaGloria @autismhome @SS_specialneeds @JennyFord901 @MoDazla @ArevaM @HanSooTaekwondo @GRASP_ORG @DadsinHeaven @good_boy_roy @world_of_autism @LifeIsASpectrum @CommunityLiving @UF4Autism @rethinkautism @alex_speaks @ShopSensory @jershane @Blue Hijab Day @Aspierations@savvymum4 @aspergers2mom @MsMaggieMarie @AspieTribe @CrystalJigsaw @jamieizskye @leechbabe @GarryBurge @KathleenPlankA @AutisticNation @BeyondAutism @BethLayne
@KandKofABD(Autism Blogs Directory) @sos4parents @teromakotero @ASPBRIGGA @swalton47 @chemer2010 @alex_speaks @Aspergers_nyc @autisminoz @conniehammer @stevenmannette @robehickman
@Joeandrasi93 @ShaneStolar @freena @lifewithAutism1 @ImproveAutism @Autismmyson @SpectrumES @fondalo @Money_hog @AlleviateAutism @mylindaelliott @123NumberFun @Lostlodger1@AUTISMinMAINE @Watchudoing @CubanBroad @LifeMyWayIL @RFTRCharity@strongria @SpecialNeedClub @samanthabattis @suzycombs @SP3CTRUMDOTCOM @tamicgaines @jennybronder @adevine1 @Cooldifference @HOPELightMedia @MusicalAutist @BusyOT @aimeekessler @MarkAldiss @traumanewell @swansong1972 @StevieBobbie @mor_autismo @planetaspie @jen_jen_jenzen @MamasTurnNow @RichardColburn @TeresaOliver @AutismPDA @AspieTravel @WeAreTERI @SPED123 @anikto @JanineKiely @1SocialNews @PaulH672 @cwalkman @ES55MEE @DavidKaufer @AnnaKennedy1 @HardAspie @scfMITO @sharonsweb @HFLifeMom @DMDoyle1 @MIFinAdvocate @ChamberOfHope @Aspergers911 @RGAutism @MetroToyDrive @ASD_specialist @Mysonseth @autismisme @bigdaddyautism @KamransHouse @tipsautismmom @LUVkidswautism @AutismAnnounce @Aspergersfacebk @Steve_JKPbooks @autismmom268 @feebeeglee @lilliepadkids @Sarah_Jenkinson @AutismLoveHope @rganderson_ @HabitsparkADHD @AutismTweetable @pussinboots2009 @semfield @aliciadalheidis @AnnetteHeidmann @phoebemonkey @dannyswish @AspergerAlec @AspieCraig @A__Rhodes @_JamiJ_ @Asperger_Mom @BobbiSheahan @KarlBough @MyTalkTools @Lightwriter_ @shutupradio @Neurogames @FamilyNetworkTV @Abigaileav @canadaspeech @AutismEd @NeuroBooks
@eFamilyTV @OskaBright @music4awareness @DisabilityJobs @ENABLEScotland @Spectronics @MyTownTiggers @ChrisVacek @phoebewonderlan @ILT2012 @COVD @LaurenRiess @graceapp @iPads4autism_ie @ihelpspecneeds @BrainBalanceGA @ClaireEFT @ListenToMePleas @John__Soriano @ProjectOptimal @Train4Autism @amyamesmusic @LifeAgitator @RockTheAutism @NeuralEssence @thestoryofluke @SBforautism @InSource2010 @AutismEye @ABATutorFinder @ACTAutismCenter @scottishautism @leah_kelley @PinkOddy @MelindaLSmith @ListonAdvocates @leah_kelley @AutismRailroad @RichWeatherly43 @bohicaback @BusyChica @Dozyhead @SpeechTails @FCMichigan @Hacksperger @YasminDixonfall @GeriDawson @KirstyRussell @lisalisa @Gillw23 @square_route @dswalkerauthor @whitkayleon @AspieSide @SpcialNdsJungle @AutismOntLdn @KVAdaptive @ValOD1 @ASpecialKidcom @TheHelpGroup @LetsCelebr8 @GabriellaBurman @TESLosAngeles @KAspergersMom @kerima_cevik @DebStokes @WhacamoleLife @achievebeyondus @bubblegumcari @GarciaMelissa21 @2withautism @AutismONT @ABALiverpool @AutismSocial @ArtJasncas @DanniesDilemmas @deerwendy @lovinglampposts @AmbitiousAutism @GlutenFreeBirds @marimouth @GiantStepsIL@agileassyst @AspergersGuide

Spectrum adults @RichardHCooper @autismcrisis @AuRtist @josephwcarrillo @KalmaW @AspieTeacher @donna_williams @outoutout @olderbrother21 @AutismIsARose @Glitteraxolotl @AlecWisner @liquidc2 @JoJo_Nash @Secret_Aspie@ErrolChin @Soundless2 @aliciadalheidis @AutismCandles @senioraurora @earlyautism @AspieMum @Gretchenleary @AspieKid

My Trousers are Frayed – An Aspergian look at fashion

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 04:25:29 GMT

I have just thrown out a pair of trousers, they needed to be thrown out, their legs were frayed and they had given way around the places where I had repaired them. When I have clothes I like, they tend to get worn until they fall apart. I like my clothes comfortable with lots of pockets, lots and lots of pockets. I prefer natural fibres, but I do like a soft fleece. I have some shirts with collars, but I rarely wear them, preferring rather to wear shirts with round collars or with none. Clothes are best when they are fairly well worn and have been washed a lot.

I generally wear the same things, that I change my clothes is primarily down to having a schedule; underwear daily, shirts every two days, everything else when I feel like it or my olfactory senses alert me to a need to change.

I have several identical gilets for winter and lighter ones for summer, I rarely wear jackets. I do have jackets for when the rain is too heavy, they are less important in snow as I have several fleece lined woolen cardigans made in Nepal, now it is spring they will give way to successively lighter fleeces until the weather is warm enough for shirt sleeves.

I wear hats most of the time outside, a brim or a peak keep the rain off my face, I find rain on my face extremely annoying, I also find bright lights can be difficult on occasion. I find in wet weather I am more inclined to wear gloves than in cold weather, as I don’t like the feel of the rain on my hands either.

I used to wear sandals all year round as I found them comfortable, but my wife insisted that for health reasons I should wear shoes in winter. Now I am in the habit of wearing boots every time I go out, but indoors it’s always bare feet. I dislike having anything encasing my feet, even just socks.

Not only do I need lots of pockets, so that I can carry the essentials of life (pens, notebooks, money, diary, phone, keys, monocular, torch, spinning top, yoyo, sweets, earplugs, ipod, bus pass, spectacles, sunglasses, book, sweets, penknife, multi tool, wallet, id, emergency phone charger) but I also have to carry a rucksack for books, magazines, snacks, flask, spares of pocket stuff. Around my neck I have my spare door key and my USB key in case I want to use someone else’s computer with my choice of OS.

I think it’s fair to say that I see clothes as functional items, I am not what I wear and I see no need to project an image of myself. I accept that some jobs require conformance to a dress code, but beyond that I see no reason not to dress purely for comfort. Personally I find the imposition of a dress code ridiculous, it is a practice of little minds who feel it necessary to impose some sort of social conformity and reflects their own inadequacy. Adherence to a dress code is also tragic, I am at a loss to see how being uncomfortable to the point of distraction and short temperedness can, in any way, contribute to productivity or good morale. Even sadder than dress codes is the need of people to, without compulsion, adhere to the dictates of fashion, often as laid down by a subset of society. A concern with one’s appearance is a symptom of a mind given to the pursuit of trivial concerns like the lives of celebrities, and should have no relevance to one’s employment or social acceptability.

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

Mon, 27 Feb 2012 01:28:17 GMT

I think Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close is what one might call a “Marmite” film, from the reviews I have read people either love it or hate it. People with experience of Aspergers seem to like the film whereas many professional reviewers, like the Daily Mail’s Christopher Tookey found the main character, Oscar, unbelievably irritating.

Personally, I felt inclined to wonder whether the director had not made Oscar’s Aspergers traits too understated. Ok, perhaps not really, but his behaviour was entirely consistent with a young boy on the spectrum who had the benefit of committed, and enlightened parents who had activgely helped him address his difficulties. Oscar’s use of a tambourine to calm himself has received adverse comment, but I’m inclined to the opinion that it’s perfectly normal, for me it’s yoyos. The self harming, again normal, although personally I am a biter rather than a pincher. The systematic structuring of his search, normal and sensible, with an admirable attention to detail. Some reviewers considered Oscar to be rude, but I found him rather polite and considerate. Oscar says his test for Aspergers was inconclusive, this must be because of his ability to interact with others, although he found it difficult ; again the constructive influence of his father may be a factor. Oscar’s attitude to lying and his ultimate inability to successfully dissemble rings very true, we can lie, but rarely convincingly.

This film is primarily about how people relate to each other and particularly, of course, to Oscar. What becomes very obvious it’s that in every relationship there are depths that are not obvious, and that as an observer it is impossible to fathom human behaviour, or is that just me? By the end of the film many of our opinions of the characters with which we started are changed, and neither the story nor the journey is what we thought it was.

Not being American much of the significance of 9/11 is lost on me, and I’m inclined to the opinion the film would have been equally true, and equally powerful however Oscar’s father had died. Regardless of the opinions of the critics I thought this film not only portrayed Aspergers well, but was also an engaging and thought provoking look at human relationships and behaviour, or to put it another way, I enjoyed it.

Family Games

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 12:14:45 GMT

Every Christmas morning when we opened the pillowcases filled with our presents from Santa Claus among them would be a board game. We built up quite a collection of games, Scrabble, Monopoly, Cluedo, Buccaneer and the like. I also loved word based card games, and owned both Lexicon and Kan U Go. I have to admit that games caused one or two (dozen) arguments in our house, but we enjoyed them. Board games provide a structured interaction with other people as well as opportunities to practice a wide variety of skills, for example in Monopoly where one employs planning, investment, and negotiation skills. Back then board games provided hours of entertainment and an opportunity for the whole family to spend time together. We perhaps didn’t play as often as we should, but I loved it when we did and our games remain among my happiest memories.

We frequently sat down as a family to play board games, particularly at weekends. While we played many games, the family favourite was Ludo. Never was a game played with as much seriousness as was ludo in the Patton family, Calcutta Cup matches are trivial in comparison. My Father and Brother would be one team playing in red and in blue, while my Mother and I were the other in Yellow (I had to play in yellow) and green. My Father and Brother discussed strategy, or more accurately shouted at each other whenever one felt the other had moved the wrong counter, whereas my mother and I quietly just moved our pieces as we chose and generally won.

I loved Ludo as it was a game I could play with my Father. My brother who is very much more like my father than I, could play the card game Cribbage with my Father, but I did not have the arithmetic skills to play at my Father’s level. Only two people could play “Crib” whereas we could all play a board game. I dare say some people could point to dysfunctionalities in our family, but I suspect back in the days when board games were the norm and not even Pong had been invented we were more of a functional family than most are today.